Lost

Lately I have been thinking about the different types of relationships I have in my life. I can't help but realize that I do not have any strong connection to anyone out here in Utah. Sure I have my roommates, social friends, school friends, church friends, but where are my run-to-when-I-am-super-down-but-can't-explain-why friends? In VA and MD I had a core group of friends that I could always turn to when I needed them. Here I tried that, but they all got married! So now they all have hubbies and I barely get to see them let alone vent to them. And not many people really know me here. Part of this is my fault, I have not tried very hard in making friends here. I always get shy and not many people will take the time to really get to know me. 

Tonight I listened to You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban. I would always listen/interpretive dance that song with my best friend. But here, I have maybe 2 or 3 people I could do that with. And only one is not married! People are so caught up with things going on in their own life that I do not feel like they have time to really get to know who I am, not who the surface susan is. 

I continue to tell myself, wait until I graduate and move away, then things will improve, but will they? Will I learn how to open myself up to people enough to create a solid bond? I desperately want to get out of the bubble of provo/ happy valley, but I do not know if that will improve my situation. 

Bottom line, I just want someone I can sit down with and talk to for hours without even realizing how long it has been. Talk to someone on a more personal basis without trying sugar coat things or worry about them judging me. I guess this is why I have a blog, to do this and not feel like I am impeding on anyone.